My Friend Flo

I have never been so happy to get my period, ladies!!! Phew! A few weeks ago (12 days and 15 hours ago to be precise) at an innocuous gal pal evening, I began flirting with a harmless gentleman. Well, his name was Vinnie and he was wearing a gold chain, but really - harmless. I usually do not use names, but this truth was too good to pass up. I will admit to being excessively horny that night. It had been quite a while since my last "kiss" with a man. And Vinnie was not unattractive, he was attentive and he played his cards right.

As gal pal was breaking up, 3 of the girls agreed to continue the night with us, while none of V's male friends agreed. So this Jersey Shore classic heads out with four girls to a place that did not have cheap drinks. At one point we decide to leave. He pays the entire check without telling anyone and we say goodbye to the girls. At which point, they discovered all their drinks had been payed for.

Well the rest of the night was a combination of stupidity, hilarity and down right messy fun. I'll skip the gory detials. Vinnie drove me and my bike home in the morning (after making us some tea for the road). Apologized for his part in us not being smart enough to jacket his goods (we were careful in other ways, yeah right! Really, "pulling out" is NOT a birth control method!@%*!). Home I go to google my menstral cycle and lo and behold, I was at my most fertile point that very night!

So, now I have had my first experience buying and taking the morning after pill. I also met a guy who actually has potential a week ago today while I was worrying about being preggers. It has been a very weird time for me.

Other tidbits: sort of got kicked out of choir.
Flying to Dubai tomorrow for work.
Presenting our group project tonight in class.
Submitting my final paper for class today (even though it is due next week - because I will be in Dubai)
Will potentially come back from Dubai to a newborn nephew.
Will come back to one or both parents here in town.
And have no idea how to study for my final which comes 5 days after I return and right when we might be having a nephew/grandson in the family.

Are we there yet? I am probably going to be thoroughly bored come December when I have NOTHING to do. :)

A myth or a challenge?

In trying to define whether I am avoiding dates because of fear or whether I am just annoyed with the crap that goes along with internet dating, I came to this idea:

If being in a relationship is all about sharing your life (for me I tend to want to share everything with the person that I am dating), then it is bullshit when they tell you to love yourself first, fulfill yourself first and the right person will come along. Why? Because when I am doing what I want to do in life; when I am feeling fulfilled and happy by myself and for myself, I am not in a place where there is room for a partner. Maybe it's true that in that place is where you attract people because you are so happy, but then either you struggle to make room for that person and that struggle messes with the relationship OR you enjoy that person so much that you don't notice that you are no longer doing the things that fulfill you until your life becomes all about them. With some relationships, people are lucky and they find fulfillment WITH each other while still having time for themselves. But that is a balance that is hard to achieve in the early stages (0 months - 2 years) of the relationship.

This all came from me not wanting to go on a second date with DancerBoy. I told a friend that I thought it was because of fear. But when she pressed me to define the fear all I could think of was how frustrating it is to communicate in those early stages. How many times I have thought - why isn't he writing back or calling? How I wonder if I've shared too much. That is not really fear just frustration. I think where the fear comes in is when I think about wasting MY time and My thoughts and worries on men that are not worth it. Men that are never going to get to that perfect sharing balance with me. I don't want to spend days upon days dating frogs to find a prince. I would rather become queen all on my own merits.

Blog worthy post? Not sure.

New boys Part Two

OOPS! I totally forgot to write part 2!! That is because part two was so nonthrilling that I apparently did not even want to waste my precious time on it. And you want to know a funny thing. If he called or texted - I would go out with him again.

So tall guy - not particularly heart throb material, but nothing to throw back after the catch either. We went to Ghiardelli - what a stupid idea for me! I was picking the place to meet for tea. But I was pretty sure that the italian place in the Hancock closes at 3:00 ish. What I really wanted was their mexican hot cocoa. The original idea was get tea and walk the beach/trail. So we go to Ghiardelli and I am a good girl because it was two days before my weight watchers meeting (which while going really slow - is also going really great!! I cannot wait to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe once I hit goal!), so I just get tea. And he gets a strawberry shake. Which means that we have to sit in the store/restaurant area to eat it because it is so darn hot out, it would melt in an instant. There I am sitting around all these hot fudge sundaes... :) But I digress.

So, the conversation was ok. Interesting, but also a bit slow. Or rather - in Ghiardelli, it was pretty good conversation. Nothing thrilling, but good. But was we got walking it got a bit harder.

Frankly - it was a pretty boring date. The funny thing: I left the date thinking boring could be good. How backwards have I gotten? But I am also serious about that. Everytime that it is exciting, a rush, a deep connection - that fades fast. Either the guy was just working really hard to rope you in and then backs off when he catches you. Or he wraps you around his finger only to pull out his immense psychosis after you think he could be the one. Or the least annoying - you just run out of similarities and realize that his daily life is so vastly different and while he wants to share it with you, you really do not want any part (like shopping at Costco or Bestbuy everyday to while away the time).

So boring, but with like ideas - not so shabby. It's steady. Sometimes interesting. Who knows - could be amazing in bed - it's a struggle to get that far to find out.

It is neither here nor there because I haven't heard boo from him since last Tuesday. I could have possibly not sent the right signals - I said the fated "So... call me". BUT I MEAN IT WHEN I SAY IT! And when I say it, there is no way I am going to call you. I am putting the ball in your court by doing that because I cannot tell whether you are interested AT ALL.

So that was two. I will try to post a bit later or tomorrow. I have come to some interesting ponderings about dating and the space I am in right now.

Two new boys - Part one (Take two)

(Let's try this again!)
Well, on my self-imposed break I was still flirting with OKCupid and still thinking about going back on eHarmony because they gave me the $9 a month deal for 3 months again. Flirting meaning 1 or 2 visits a week. In that time, correspondance with 3 guys started progressing. One started his first email with “we should meet” and I basically said “sure, when?” and have heard nothing since. So, let’s forget about him and talk about DancerBoy!

DancerBoy and I had communicated on OKC before but then he took a break and shut down both this profiles. He is now back. In his first long, cute email, he ended with “when do I get to give you a dance lesson?” He used to be a social dance teacher. So, I pretty much said “anytime” and ended up with an invite sent at 8pm Friday night for going out Saturday night. Now, we know I am not spontaneous and like my plans. I did not have plans for Saturday, but did want to be available for a friend just in case. Also, I was extremely motivated on what was a very odd Saturday.

I had been woken up at 3am by my cat. While trying to fall back asleep, my brain started drafting a personal statement I have to write for a Masters application. After about 15 minutes of drafting and redrafting, I just got up and started typing. By 9 am, I had written the statement, gone to the beach to watch the sunrise and journal and taken in a yoga class. That was when I got the invite for that night! I ended up looking so flaky by the end of the day. I told him about the morning and that I had potential unconfirmed plans. I said I would check in later and see if he was still available. So around 4 pm, we started discussing whether we would actually meet. I waffled back and forth so much! “I don’t know if I am too tired to go dancing – but it sounds like so much fun.” “I really want to keep getting stuff done, so let me see how much I can get done before I would have to leave” (5:30) “I would have to start getting ready now, but I do want to meet you.” Finally I said “let’s just do it!”

But then, he found out the band did not start until 10:30, so I said “nevermind, I won’t last until then, but how about tea instead.” (This will be a long post)
It was a GREAT date!!! Conversation was stimulating, sparks, tons of laughter! He is smart, witty, dorky, a dancer!, takes life my the horns, did I say smart?  He is getting a second law degree because he could not find a job after getting his first one. And therefore, he is very very poor! He has also applied to 600 job openings in the tiny niche that he wants. I admire him for going after what he wants, but I do not admire not finding another job and just wracking up debt and using government funding because it was easier to stay in school than do something not quite right. My other doubt is that he is so married to this niche, that he will move anywhere.

Then let’s handle the money. Yes, I am THAT GIRL. No. I do not want a sugar daddy nor do I need that man to be the man. However, I do want relative equality in our pay rates or would prefer the man make more. That is my ideal – I am not saying that it’s my way or the highway. But, take that mentality out of it and it is just simply hard to date someone who has NO MONEY!

Also – a bad thing that has relevance later. He was trying to explain that you do not need dance lessons that teach the “basic” step to be able to dance. If you have a good leader, he will put your feet where he wants them. To illustrate this, he made me get up and dance with him IN THE CAFÉ. Does this show verve? Yes. Do I like the sprite in him? Yes. Was I very uncomfortable – YES. Because for me, going to a café means peace, quiet and a place I can lose myself. I felt we were being discourteous. It was not a stage, not a club, not a dancefloor, not even a bar with a band playing. All of those would have been more appropriate.

The really good moment that becomes relevant later was the goodnight kiss! When we got outside my bus came way too fast and we had an adorable, silly, romantic moment where he said “are you really getting on this bus?” and I said “yes” and we barely started going in for the hug/kiss/whatever, when he just led me into a really good first kiss. Not deep, not long. But I did almost miss my bus. Ladies – want to avoid the awkward goodnite kiss? Date a dancer! He led me into it as easy as leading me into a spin!!! I was thinking about it the rest of the night.

Then after a few “had a good time” messages, he sent something that I didn’t take very well. He sent a cute link that pertained to something in our conversation and then said “why don’t we have our dance lesson at my apartment or yours so you won’t be embarrassed”. I met the guy ONLINE and have only spent THREE hours with him?!?!

At first, even though shocking, I thought it was cute and wanted to come up with a cute response back but be honest and say that I would need at least two more dates before that happened, but then I kept thinking about it and all of my jaded dating baggage ran me through the various emotional responses to that – frustration, fear, anger, flattery. I never responded because I couldn’t come up with a kind response – once I got to the “how could he not know that was inappropriate at this stage” place in my head.

He wrote “was the link not cute?” And I wrote “No! Love the link, but I could only think of 4 reasons you would make the apartment suggestion and none of them had to do with my embarrassment.” I did not elaborate to him but I will to you.

Four reasons
1. Just wants another thumbnail on his Flickr page (ie. hookup). He is an amateur photographer and his flickr is full of head shots, candid shots, and glamour shots of ALL WOMEN and A LOT OF THEM!
2. He like me but was just thinking with his D$!@
3. He is a psycho killer
4. It’s really his embarrassment. I paid for tea (he did go to pay for it) and he knows he should take me out but cannot afford it.

So, his response was “Four? I can only think of two. 1. Was to alleviate embarrassment 2. To get you alone.” And more cute, nice stuff. I didn’t have time to write back because I had ANOTHER date and a dinner with a friend (meeting her boyfriend for the first time) in the same night. So I texted today “Was too busy last night to respond. I totally understand the getting alone part. That kiss definitely left me wanting more. Will write more tonight.”

I am not even sure I want to waste my time, because lately I have been really loving being single. Loving my time, my space, the fact that when my apartment is disgusting it doesn’t matter and when I clean it, I am not cleaning up someone else’s disaster. Doing what I want to do when. But maybe this path will lead me to loving my time even more.

Two New Guys - Part One

Well, on my self-imposed break I was still flirting with OKCupid and still thinking about going back on eHarmony because they gave me the $9 a month deal for 3 months again. Flirting meaning 1 or 2 visits a week. In that time, correspondance with 3 guys started progressing. One has al

OH MY GOD I HATE BLOGGER
THIS WAS THE LONGEST POST EVER AND IT MESSED UP PUBLISHING AND THIS IS ALL IT SAVED!!!!

Long Break

So I am on a half self-imposed break from dating. Half because I still occasionally go on okcupid and see if I have mail, respond if I do and want to, and sometimes check out my quiver. But it is really desolate out there, ladies. I took a break because I am sick of how hard it is to get something started. 1 date 2 dates 3 dates 4 - that's about how it goes. And I can't help getting a bit of a complex that most guys decide to fade away the date after we've taken things to the bedroom (whether that mean clothes come off or stay on). It's like - whoa - headed toward something that could mean actually giving of myself. No way, Jose!

I may be exaggerating a bit. But that was kind of how I felt before I decided to just stop.

After that last rough and tumble guy. I did have 2 dates with a 40-something who claimed he was not sure he wanted kids. We had a great first date. Then a really plutonic and odd second. And then nothing. Not without effort on my part. He said he had a great time and seemed to hint that he would like a third date. But when I blatently suggested one over email - there was no response. Nothing ever again. I had another date with a 45 year old. I wasn't really sure I wanted a second date. We both kind of let it fade. It's been three weeks without communication, then yesterday at 8am "Hey my art opening is tonight. Any chance you can come?" ???
I said good luck and that maybe next time with more than a few hours notice I could make it. He replied that he thought he had mentioned it to me. I had the refrain from saying - must be the new girl.

A guy who has recently written on OKC sent these:
Email 1 - "Hi"
(I write back with a book suggestion because he referenced that women could send him book suggestions)
Email 2 - "Thanks. How are you?"
(I laid into him a bit about how I cannot start a conversation on Hi. How are you? And asked if he noticed how I had obviously read his profile and responded with something that showed that)
Email 3 - Was a little better. More info. A little teasing for laying into him. And the one question "Is that better?"
(I responded with a long email with a few questions)
Email 4- He answered my questions without much for me to respond to and ended with "I think I answered all your questions."
(I sent a short response that may have been random since there wasn't anything to respond to and asked about his weekend)

If he does not ask any questions about me. I am not writing back. I am not sure I described it well enough above. But he basically is not trying. He is emailing without actually taking any interest in it and without trying to get me interested. Why do men think "hi. how are you?" is actually reaching out?

So - the break.
Thank god for plutonic groups on meetup!

Fail

Well, at least he didn't just pull the "fade". The guy from last night emailed that he thinks we approach life too differently. He is too "rough and tumble" for me. Ok. If he thinks so, he is definitely right. He said he had been on his best behavior and yeah it was just on the edge of unacceptable for me. But I enjoyed other parts of him.

I guess I should thank him for having more foresight than I did. Of course, I was not on my best behavior because I no longer believe in that. Being on best behavior only leads to multiple dates where you don't really get to know the real person. So I gave him the ability to see clearly.

Oh and the kissing was not compatible. It wasn't awful, so I thought it could be worked on, but I am saved from having to do that. :) Thank you universe. Now will you please bring my handsome prince!!!!

So tired of the up and down

Had a second date tonight. And perhaps I am overreacting, but I don't think so. It was a really nice date. Going really well. We went to a tea shop and just talked and then went to walk on the beach. Had some nice kisses. I was totally comfortable. Perhaps too comfortable. As the date went on I asked less questions and talked more. Right in the last 10 minutes, I just felt like I lost him. Like he didn't know how to react to what I said - didn't agree? Somehow it offended him? No idea. The goodnight kiss was so puritan and quick. He said he had a really good time. Why can that phrase be the kiss of death or actually the truth? This is really sucking!!! Before those 10 minutes he seemed really into it - really into me. So confused.

This comes shortly after a 3rd date with another guy that I thought went really well and then turned in that same sort of end of the date vibe, a few random texts for the next two days and then disappearance. So I am going to be kind of pissed if this just happens again. Graaaaarrrrrrgh@!

Really nice date. Awkward plutonic ending. Annoying.

Bueller Bueller

So that other pawn who never responded to my text? He sent me a text wishing me luck on my event like 2 days after my post. I responded - asked him a direct question. No response. A day later, I sent him another text with a question. It took him 2 days to answer. I responded. Nothing. I called after my event like he asked me to - left a message. Nothing. It's been over a week. I don't know whether to be pissed, to be sad, or not to care at all.

In the past month and a half - the guy that I fought with before our second date and had hilarious drama with has been creeping back in with email. I finally agreed to go out with him again. (He didn't ask until I asked what we were doing with our innocent email correspondence. He wasn't being pushy at all, just emailing about daily life and such.) It was pretty good. Maybe I can call him IH2S - Is He Too Skinny. He is a runner and he is very skinny, but he isn't a total health nut and likes wine! He may push my buttons too much. Today was great - the emails leading up to this have nice. I think I was in a bad place when we went out last time. Because when he pushed my buttons back then it was sooooo frustrating and annoying. Now - it doesn't bother me as much. My temper isn't as short. For instance, he suggested meeting somewhere else today because of the Cubs game. I hate last minute changes and I hate making decisions (he didn't suggest a place just "can we go somewhere else"). But I was excited to see him instead of being annoyed. We shall see.

We may be down to ZERO

Well - Mary has slowly degraded. It was gradual and he certainly would do things that would make me decide to overlook the crumbling of my desire for him. But the ski trip put all things over the top. I was treated half the time like a guy buddy and the other half like his ski toy, but never like a lady. There were sweet moments, don't get me wrong, but very very few. Most of it was either gross, boring or raunchy. Kgirl texted me "hope you are having a romantic weekend!" and when I said this to Mary along with my response of "it's fun! not exactly romantic", his response was "it's kind of hard to have a romantic weekend skiing." So I just gave him this "really? you think that? you are so wrong" crinkled brow, questioning loook. He blew his nose off the ski lift (I mean no kleenex - shot snot out of his nose over the edge of the chair) and spit off the ski lift on every ride up. He farted in front of me (this I could forgive because it is about that time in our dating) and he burbs all the time. We had the briefest of talks about our relationship on the drive home. I said "Awkward conversation time. I want to make sure we are still on the same page. We are still both happy with being inexclusive and just having fun, right?" "Oh yeah! Hee hee inexclusive and just having fun - that's perfect! Thanks for bringing that up." And then he essentially noogied me like I was his 12 year old little sister.

But the skiing was totally fun! Well worth it!

There is another pawn still in my game. I had a date with him Monday and unfortunately still have not learned how to handle dating other people. Everyone says - you just don't talk about it. Um.....that is not a probable solution. I am not a liar. So when asked "who are you going skiing with" after a hesitation, I knew that the answer "a friend" would be so obviously a lie that I said "well that's an awkward question". (That was Thursday before skiing) Then Monday, we are chatting and I ask something about siblings and say "didn't we just talk about the older child/younger child personality?" And he said "No...(PAUSE) No that wasn't me."

He did kiss me as strong as ever that night and said "let me know how prep goes", but did not respond to text yesterday. YES I KNOW - it's only been since Monday. This is my problem. I want a guy who wants to tell me everything and share everything with me, but is not clingy and annoying. And who I will not be clingy to. It's a really tough balance to find and I think it is different for every couple.

I have a huge work thing coming up that should be fun and full of meeting people. And then it may be back to OKCupid now that eHarmony is expired and I am not ready for that commitment again right now. I have to say that these past 4 months have put me back in the "single and loving it" place. (versus the "ready for the long relationship - please find me" place) I just want my time to be MY time right now.

Sex in the City

Sex in the city is a really depressing book. But also very poorly written. I don't understand why it was so popular or got any fame. Maybe the abrupt writing style and dialogue that often makes no sense was new and hip at the time. But, to be honest, it just doesn't work. If New Yorkers really talked like that in the 90's, its a wonder that they were such a powerful city.

But it does bring up some points that are on my mind. Points about relationships that start out exciting and then just end. Things just go bad. Things that you both were going to be so good about for each other. Mainly just being unselfish and aware of the others needs. Those moments grow fewer (or never get to be enough) and then the nagging starts. More importantly - relationships get boring. That is my biggest worry with both of the guys that are potentials right now. That they bore me. I mean, they are also interesting at times and there are plenty of moments of laughter. They are both enjoyable. The one I know better is sweet, listens, is hot, the sex is fun. But yeah - sometimes I am just plain bored. Is this just how it is until you develop a routine? Until you are comfortable enough to do your own thing even though the two of you are together? Instead of just hanging out doing something boring together just to spend some more time "getting to know each other" when you would rather be going about your day.

I know - it doesn't sound like I should be trying to have a relationship with either of these guys. Stay tuned.

Another 3 guys 3 days

It's not that I am not enjoying dating. I do like it - a lot. But I am slowly coming back into the mindset of wanting to just experience one guy at a time and not worry about wasting a few months here and a few months there. Of course, when I think like that, I start wondering if I am going to miss the "right" guy by doing that. Or get too old to have kids. Dating the 3 men is even more confusing.

The Thursday date is the guy that I am not really attracted to. He is a great great guy! I do not censor myself around him at all! I enjoy hanging out with him and he is not a bad kisser. But MAN, I just really don' t feel the romantic desire. I think "this is what a relationship should be built upon. This is a great friendship. A great connection." and then I really wish that I wanted him.

The Friday date is smart and interesting, but when I ask him about the stuff that interests him, its kinda boring (like the president of Egypt). He is also kind of pushy in the making out department. It's fun and he certainly isn't pressuring me, but its only date 2 and I almost invited him up because it was that fun to say goodnight. Oh - and he is not into wine or rather doesn't even seem interested in trying with me. At the bar when offered many interesting beers, it was as if the options were too much for him (they did not have 312 which he originally ordered) and he settled for miller light. ick!! :) I am laughing as I write such a silly judgemental phrase. So with him I think "Would I get bored really fast being in a relationship with him? Would he be open to doing things that he is not used to - new things - with me? Does he just want sex?"

God I am such a girl!

Saturday was Mary again. And it was really a roller coaster. Not intense peaks and dips AT ALL. I am still very distant from this whole dating experience. But some moments, I just loved how he would sweetly want to be touching, have his arm around me when we were watching the band. But then there are moments that I really think he is either completely uninterested in my thoughts and would much rather be doing something else. He does have ADD, so its understandable, but do I want to deal with that? I did mention that to him that I think dating is weird. Once you are in a relationship, living together, you can sort of be together separately more. You are not forced to have to figure out something to do that both of you want for a 12 hour period. You can go to a matinee and then go home and do your individual things. Will I ever get to that point?

So - sorry this blog is just same old same old. I am enjoying this but I am also confused by the whole thing. Trying to just ride the ride.

Sweet or Smart. Sweet or Smart.

Had a date tonight with a guy that seemed very intellectual on his profile. Very into current events. I told him early in the eHarm process that I thought we would possibly annoy the hell out of each other.

So before the date - I really really did not want to go. I was kind of miffed that he did not respond to my text from the morning about which restaurant we were meeting at or the text I sent at 4pm asking if we were still on for dinner. At about 5:45, I assumed he was not interested and standing me up. Or essentially standing me up - we hadn't picked a place, just a time, a neighborhood and a type of food. I had gotten out of the tub and was just deciding to put on my PJs instead of clothes, when he texted. I was kind of disappointed. I was having a nice lowkey day and just wanted to veg out to dumb tv or a dumb book (reading Sex in the City).

We had agreed on 7, but I had wanted to meet at 6 and he wanted to meet at 7:30. So then when I was ready and bored by 6:30 and he texted that he would be there at 7:15 , I was even more miffed.

I decided to "release" and just go with it. I am so glad I did. It was a very nice and funny date. The place he picked was a total dive (sushi) and we were totally afraid of bad fish. We were the ONLY TWO people in the restaurant. And he had a bad stomach that day (too much drinking the day before - we'll see how that plays out), so we were kind of scared. It made for a funny date. When he got his diet coke - he heard her open a can and said "Oooh, I just paid about 2 bucks for that can and there are probably no refills". Then when it came, I immediately started laughing and he says to the waitress "In a To Go cup - that's great!" It was really a dive. Really funny. Oh and why he texted so late. In our phone call, he said we would figure out the restaurant while he was on the train. I thought he meant the next day on his way home from work (or course I forgot to text when he would have been coming home from work because I was with my sis and niece). He meant on the train to the date. And was not paying attention to his phone all day because there was no reason to.

So he's a photographer as a side job, seems very passionate about it. And we kind of bonded on the burn out of a passion that is a side biz in fields that are not easy. I took him to get sweet belgian waffles after and then he walked me home even though he was freezing and was catching the brown line. I don't kiss on a first date, but for some reason I guess I didn't care about being "that girl". And BOY did he kiss me goodnight. He just went for it. No sweet, soft, chaste kiss goodnight. It was shocking but nice. Fun.

So now, just when I thought I was down to two - one fun to be with but not physically attractive enough for me - the other very physically attractive, wonderfully sweet but maybe not quite intelligent enough, but definitely the winner of the two - now I have a third. A third that is kind of a geek but in a very good way and definitely intelligent enough and while not as hot as Mary, cute enough to be sexy. It kind of made me sad that Mary has competition. Things are going so well with him. I really hope that the universe works it out for me so I do not have to make a choice.

Updates

This has been a very good week for dating. It could help that either through reading Mike Dooley again or just some time, I have dug out of my hating, poor me, leave me alone phase - for now, at least.

I had a hilarious experience with a guy over text. My parents were in town. While my sis and I were getting manicures with my Mom for her birthday, I got a text from a guy asking if I wanted to go to lunch. This man and I had a date scheduled for the Friday before but he had to cancel 2 hours before because of work. So he asked if I wanted to go to lunch.

Walking home from manicure, I text - 5:15 - "Where is .....?"

Get home. Have a family dinner. Check my phone. Have 4 texts from him.

5:20 "The place we were gonna go Friday"

5:35 "(Writes correct name of restaurant that he had gotten wrong in invite text)"

5:55 "Guess not"

6:15 "Good luck in your search. I wish you well"

I explained that I was eating with my parents and I felt that after 4 days of no contact, his jumping to this point after only an hour was a bit abrupt. Then we went back and forth expressing our impressions of the situation of our "relationship" from the cancelled date till now. It was way too stupid. I have no patience or sympathy right now for sensitive men. Both D and this guy were obviously very sensitive throughout the communication process and with both I had arguments or discussions about our relationship (that did not exist) WAY WAY WAY too early.

But this week - had a date with Peter (code name). This was date 3. He is the guy I am not attracted to, but about halfway through the date, I decided that I really want to let this go on a bit and see what happens. He is really easy to talk to and it's enjoyable to go out with him. He is a bit effeminate. And I think if he was not, I might be more physically attracted to him. He was very chaste this time on the goodnight kiss. And I totally teased him about it over text later. I said - we kind of switched roles for the kiss tonight. And he said - well the truth is I cannot wait to see you again but I had to play it cool. ;-)

During the date I got a call from a new guy and a few texts from Mary.

Mary is sweet sweet sweet. And he kinda stepped up his game. I guess not seeing me for a weekend was an incentive for him. No phone calls. Just texts. But very nice communication. I am bad over the phone and I think I make it a little too clear (without saying much) that I do not like phone. So it kind of backfires, because when in a relationship, I like to talk to my boyfriend over more than just text. But yeah - sweet. I get to see him tomorrow. :D:D And we are talking about a possible romantic ski weekend together. And he has invited me to his Superbowl party. Not sure if I will go to that, might have family plans, but it would be a good litmus test of his friends.

New guy and I have scheduled a date for Sunday. Sushi.

All I can say is thank god for books that remind me of my power and the abundance of the universe...and yoga. Because this kind of dating would be too far difficult without that grounding.

If you want a kiss, go for it!

So I had date 2 with Joseph, the marine. F-I-N-A-L-L-Y. It has been about a month, maybe more. We had at least 2 other dates scheduled that fell through because of his work schedule or work mishaps. I had a lot of fun. He seemed really spastic and nervous. And I am not really attracted to him. AND he is just in a place in his life that is "too young". I am not making a judgement on the fact that he is a year younger. I am making a judgement on the fact that every story was still about going out drinking, that he'd been out till 5 a.m. the evening before we went out, that he has no desire to start a family any time soon. Too young.

I asked about the drinking thing and mentioned that I am so over that lifestyle. He said he was making up for "lost time" from when he was with his ex-wife. 5 years in his 20's that he considers wasted away. I said - so how much more time do you need to make up? "Probably about 4 years - hahahaha".

I tried to pay for the date because I wanted to end on even footing, but he wouldn't let me. He drove me home and then I gave him ample opportunity to kiss me. There was time before we got in his car when I was trying to say goodbye and that I would just walk. And then when he actually dropped me off. Again I felt a spastic vibe - I don't want to say nervous - but hyper maybe and sort of shy/avoiding. He was not going for a kiss, so I leaned in to hug him. Well, of course, then there was a moment in the lean-in that he obviously thought I was possibly going for a kiss and landed in my hair.

I am sorry. If you want a kiss - you are the man! GO FOR IT!

There will not be a date three.

Taking it slow

So Mary and I have had a few dates since I last wrote. One was a wine and cheese date where we went shopping together for the goods and then came back to my place and hung out (made out) and generally had a good time. I was not very talkative and was sort of just taking it all in. He is a cutie. Very basic boy. Kind of immature and not very intellectual. Well, not intellectually stimulating. He revealed that in his late teens and early college years, he had a problem with A.D.D. and had to take ridulin, but that he no longer takes it. The making out was fun but nothing that rocked my world. We had both agreed that we would take this one step at a time. So, only second base.

Then we had a date yesterday. We were supposed to go to the museum, but had a bit of a miscommunication. He had said we should go to the Art Institute but he meant the photography museum at Columbia which I didn't have the address for. Do you know how many buildings Columbia has in a 10 block radius? So we were walking in the cold for quite some time, stopped at Panera to warm up. And we were right by the library. He had never been. We found someone who knew where the photography museum was but decided to hit the library first. It was neat. I have never gone to the library just to look at the architecture and exhibits. I didn't even really know that there were any exhibits. Then we did make it to the museum and the photo exhibits there were just WEIRD! There were two exhibits and not very interesting. It was a nice laid back, relaxed date.

However, a few more things started revealing themselves. He had saved a pathetically abused pit bull just that morning from his neighbor. And he was a little bit anxious about the whole thing. The dog came up to him as he was leaving for our date. He was acting afraid, so Mary put him down in his basement and fed him some left over lasagna. The dog apparently smelled like poop and he looked as if he hadn't eaten for days or weeks. So it comes out the Mary sometimes has a problem with anxiety. And he thanked me for distracting him from being anxious. By the way, he did make it clear that his anxiety and emotions are on a moderate scale (compared to people with depression and anxiety issues that need to seek help). At dinner, we had a very awkward conversation about why he wants to take it slow. It was a good conversation to have. He asked how many dates I have been on through eHarmony. And he told me that he is dating one other gal on eHarmony. And he feels its about finding the person you work best with. Totally reasonable. And that is one reason he wants to take it slow and not have sex. That's great! I love it. It makes me very happy. However the whole situation puts me off - makes me feel like I am experiencing all this at a distance. He also said that because of his anxiety, he sometimes has issues performing in bed, which is another reason he likes to wait until he really knows a girl.

All this is reasonable, but when he dropped me off, the kiss was so moderate in comparison to past sessions, it was more than obvious that his mind was on getting back to that dog. The whole thing just left me in a very low mood. I got so pissed off at Brock. Wanted to email him and say that he sucks because every guy has issues and he just couldn't allow me to support him. Just all sorts of nasty, dark, pissed, and sad thoughts. Then 20 minutes after he left, I realized that I left my bag with my iPad in his car. So he said he would bring it up tonight (MLK day) and get to see me again.

Today was still a continuation of the why am I even doing this? Why am I dating when everyone is screwed up and its too darn complicated? thoughts. I didn't really want to see him. Didn't really want to see anyone. But I made him dinner and he came over. Dinner was pretty delectable. He seemed happy as a clam. We decided to watch Hitchhikers guide, but of course barely watched it. We had fun making out and maybe when we get a little more into things and it doesn't feel like highschool groping, I will be able to coach him a bit on how not to just paw at me like a caveman. Don't get me wrong - its not awful. There are some very sexy moments. Just not what I would want to build a relationship on, if that makes sense. But its hard to start giving instruction when I know that we are not going anywhere with it. No clothes off. It's weird. But I also appreciate the getting to know you part.

By the way, D from a couple of posts ago. We had an awesome date and some very fun back and forth texts emails and calls. But he always put the ball in my court on decision making. He always would hint that I should be flirting with him more and talking to him on the phone more. And finally right when he should have been coming to pick me up for date two, we had a fight. hahahaha! I snapped at him for not listening to me when I said that I did not want to make the decision (about whether to cancel date because of weather). He got pissed and we ended up emailing back and forth two times about the "fight" and decided it was bad foreboding for us. So he is gone. I haven't responded to C's last few texts (guy that I got hot and heavy with too fast before christmas), so I think that's over. Paul has not emailed since before Christmas (money-issue guy), so I think he is off the checklist, thankfully. And I think I mentioned in the last short post that Peter and I had date 2 (date 3 is scheduled for a week and a half away) but I am not attracted to him.

Maybe the universe is helping me shuffle through this quickly. There was supposed to be a date with another guy on Friday. He called tonight while Mary was here. Poor guy. We never seem to connect on the phone or on dates (he ended up having to stay at work on Friday until 3 am, so date did not happen). Feel bad that I didn't answer phone, but not so bad as I was into some heavy kissing.

I forget if Joseph (fake names, remember) was the Marine. But the marine and I are supposed to have a date tomorrow. Once again I very clearly put the decision ball in his court. After some initial back and forth, I texted him sunday telling him to pick a place that I could meet him at by 6pm and text me the place Monday night. I did not want another day where I do not know what my friggin plan is for the night. What does he text back? "I just woke up. My brain is fried. Got any ideas?" So I say "Well hopefully your brain will not be fried tomorrow". It's tomorrow, Monday, 10:22 and there is no text from him. I am so pissed off that I almost want to cancel the date.

Sorry this was a long, negative post, but there was a lot to say.

So much to think about

There is so much to tell since my last post. 2 more dates with Mary, both sort of thought provoking. Maybe tonight's even more so than last week's. Another date with Peter who I wish I was attracted to, because we had a great time. More cancelled dates. I just don't know how I feel about the whole shabang. I am sort of disenchanted with dating - which I guess I never was enchanted by it because of starting so soon in after the breakup. I am having fun with it all, but just not feeling magical about any of it.

And am I ever going to meet someone my age who isn't a bit Effed up? I just found out that Mary has a bit of a problem with "anxiety". Great. Why do I attract men with emotional issues? Or am I in denial thinking that I handle my attitudes and emotions better than the men I attract who are anywhere from bi-polar and in denial even though they have attempted suicide to ADD or have issues with anxiety and readily admit it. yeah - you heard me.

Fallen Through

Yet another date fell through. In his defense, we hadn't set an exact time. We said after my appointment after work and he did know that was over at 7. But apparently he slept through 3 missed calls and his alarms. I had sent him an email with a place and a time around 4 p.m. today (he works nights). He woke up 6 minutes before I had suggested meeting. Asked if I still wanted to meet before getting the email and I am the one who said "Let's reschedule". This is the marine. I am not too interested in him as time goes by, so it was no big deal.

But I guess I am going to have to get used to guys canceling hours before a date (or minutes). Even though I would never to that to someone if it could be at all helped.

Both dates fell through. One asked to reschedule because I asked him to meet early so I could watch the Steelers game. All of this planning was only over text. When I tried to call, he didn't answer and he didn't have any voicemail set up on his cell phone. Not just no greeting. No voicemail at all. And I couldn't leave a message. That is sketchy to me. So I am not going to pursue rescheduling.

The other cancellation was kind of funny. I had a way too truthful and revealing conversation (for this early in the dating stage) with someone that has potential. We have not met. Thus the too revealing, but he asked about the multi-dating, so I went into why I am multi-dating. He will not last long if he cannot deal with me dating more than just him. We shall see. BUT right after I hung up with him, I was answering a text from Mary and a call came in. If I am texting when a call comes in and I keep typing, it will automatically answer the call. So I barely saw the caller ID. The guy who called has the same first name as the guy I had just talked to!!! So I answered "Are you calling me back because the Steelers scored?" and the guy was like "Tara? It's D... from eHarmony" "Yeah...hi." Until he said he had to cancel tonight, I had no idea he wasn't the other D! And then they sounded kind of alike! So then I got paranoid that the other D was playing some sort of trick trying to show me the evils of multi-dating. Poor guy. I sounded so aloof on the phone. Basically said "Oh yeah sure whatever." "Maybe we can reschedule for some other weekend?" "Of course. Just let me know. Bye." LMAO!!!

Best Date EVER

Holy cow! Mary will be a hard one to get over if I have to ever get over him. I really hope C was the rebound and Mary is one to last. Holy cow!

So he picks me up. There is a lean in on his part where he wasn't sure if I was going in for a greeting kiss. Glad I didn't - the anticipation was beautiful. Dinner was great again. A very nice sushi place. Not too upscale. Just right. Very fresh fish! Conversation flowed easily. We laughed a lot again. He paid for dinner, and I paid for the movie.

We were hilarious. So glad no one sat by us. We weren't pawing each other precisely, but we really couldn't keep our hands off each other in some way. It started very modest. I would lean in to say something in his ear and he would stroke my knee while I was telling him and then stop when I was done. But as the movie went on, we were basically touching in some way the whole time. Holding hands. Stroking knees/thighs. Arm around me at one point with other hand on my arm closest to him. I think I caught him trying to secretly smell my hair once.

It felt like high school! But more adult at the same time. There were a few moments where I leaned in or back to whisper something that he almost went in for a kiss thinking that my intention. So ladies, he did wait for me to kiss him. I am almost damn sure that if I hadn't, he would have gone for it by the end of the night. But once the credits nearly fully rolled and the theater was essentially empty, I pulled him to me and boy was he ready. It was not a first kiss. It was full of passion and yearning. I was fairly light headed by the end of it. It was kind of sloppy but not in a bad way. (Though my bad kisser radar tweaked a bit). So we start to leave and kissed modestly a few times on the way to the car. Then we got in the car at 12:00 a.m. and did not leave the parking lot until 12:25. It just got better and better. He told me I had really soft lips. He told me I smelled good.

We decided to find a hydrant to continue the fun for a bit. And I think we continued the fun from 12:45 - 1:30. Neither of us wanted to stop. And more compliments came from him. He loves my eyes - they are so expressive. This man is not a talker, but boy is he better than my ex at expressing himself. Shoot man! And the kissing by this point was so good. So in tune. Not sloppy at all. Towards the end I had my back against passenger door and he was kind of laying with his head on my shoulder and said after a pause and a sigh "I like you." In a strong, not shy, declamatory tone.

This boy has me falling!!! He walked me to my door and we kissed goodnight some more. My heart is still beating fast. Hot Damn!

2 first dates tomorrow.