In trying to define whether I am avoiding dates because of fear or whether I am just annoyed with the crap that goes along with internet dating, I came to this idea:
If being in a relationship is all about sharing your life (for me I tend to want to share everything with the person that I am dating), then it is bullshit when they tell you to love yourself first, fulfill yourself first and the right person will come along. Why? Because when I am doing what I want to do in life; when I am feeling fulfilled and happy by myself and for myself, I am not in a place where there is room for a partner. Maybe it's true that in that place is where you attract people because you are so happy, but then either you struggle to make room for that person and that struggle messes with the relationship OR you enjoy that person so much that you don't notice that you are no longer doing the things that fulfill you until your life becomes all about them. With some relationships, people are lucky and they find fulfillment WITH each other while still having time for themselves. But that is a balance that is hard to achieve in the early stages (0 months - 2 years) of the relationship.
This all came from me not wanting to go on a second date with DancerBoy. I told a friend that I thought it was because of fear. But when she pressed me to define the fear all I could think of was how frustrating it is to communicate in those early stages. How many times I have thought - why isn't he writing back or calling? How I wonder if I've shared too much. That is not really fear just frustration. I think where the fear comes in is when I think about wasting MY time and My thoughts and worries on men that are not worth it. Men that are never going to get to that perfect sharing balance with me. I don't want to spend days upon days dating frogs to find a prince. I would rather become queen all on my own merits.
Blog worthy post? Not sure.
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