A whole new decade!

So tonight, I took myself out for New Years Eve. I was so excited by my idea. "Battle of the Saxes" at the Green Mill. I figured on getting there early, getting a seat, and losing myself in jazz. Well after a 2 hour delay in travel times by the time I got home, I really did not want to go. However, I would not be daunted!! I am newly single and awesome and thought it would be far better to go out alone than to go out with my couple friends (no offense) or staying home.

So I pushed myself. I did not get there as early as I wanted, but still early. And there would have been seats if the normal 30+ seats that are up front weren't all reserved for friends of the band, friends of the owner, and reporters. I actually snagged a seat and go KICKED OUT OF IT after ordering a drink there! I decided not to order any more drinks, so I am stone cold sober right now.

There was an old man sax player who was the leader of the band and who all the reserved audience and green mill peeps loved. He was pretty much awful. He was cute! This great archeological jazzman. But he needed to not be the leader. It took them about 3 minutes to start each song because he would just mumble and hum for a while (his way of introducing the songs). He also just wasn't very good. The other sax player - his "battler" was AMAZING. Apparently a New Orleans cat. He was so so so good. His sax was also a tone that I prefer. Much fuller and warmer. But the music itself was the kind of jazz that you just want to listen to in your living room. Not go out to a bar and spend $25 cover and drinks on. It was mellow and slow and each song was about 15-20 minutes.

So - after 2.5 hours and only 1 set and 1 song, I decided to get out of there.
Now 9 minutes before midnight I am home in bed. But that's ok. I expect some kissing tomorrow night. :D

2nd date with the forerunner, Mary. He wants to start the New Year off with a date with me! (His words). Tee hee hee hee hee.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Tuesday - Counter Burger

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent and/or stupid)

Joseph and I went out for a burger. (Mary/Joseph - Christmas - Get it?)

Joseph is a former marine, current National Guard, very fit man. But he is TEEEEENY! I don't think I could ever be on top! I would break him apart! He is not unattractive teeny. For his type - he is quite cute. But I am just not sure I could handle it.

Our date was mainly him talking and me asking questions. Not horrendously, like, hey dude - you are on a date - bad. But enough for me to take note. He is very talkative, very cool. A little too cool for me. He loves punk music. He goes to see a lot of live music and often parties with the bands. He is 32. And in a lot of ways is just far too young for me. But he is such a great guy in a lot of other ways. He seems stable (even with having gone to war in Baghdad and watching two of his platoon mates die). He seems to want to grow up. He has quit smoking recently (a little too recently), he is buying a 2 bedroom condo in a decent hood. There is a lot of potential.

But I think I am just looking for someone a little closer to my wavelength and speed. He does want another date. And I threw something out there over text like "I would enjoy another date. And if this doesn't end up becoming romantic for one reason or another, I would love to still hang out. You're a good egg."

And that was the end of that phase of too many first dates.

Chapter two in 2011.

I may post over the holiday about the various men that are still waiting in cyberspace.

Oh and I think C may have bit the dust.

Sunday - Opera (Chinese Restaurant)

Mary and I had to switch our date from Monday evening to Sunday evening because he had a plumber coming over Monday and didn't know how late it would go.

Oh (Names have been changed to protect the innocent and/or stupid) ;-)

I was supposed to bake at my sister's all day in the South Loop, so I suggested Opera Restaurant because I alread had a half off groupon to there. (The bill came to a hilarious $6 because I had already paid the $15). Mary was much hotter than his pictures. He looks so nice in his glasses and goatee!!! I was a little nervous, but not too much so. I hated my outfit. I had done 5 loads of laundry at my sister's house while baking and I still had nothing to wear on a hot date.

A hot date it was (food wise). We split this thing called Fire Cracker chicken and were dying! It was a fun date. But I was really tired. And I wasn't totally into him, until I realized that he was taking a really long time to pay the check (which he didn't look at, but pulled immediately to his side of the table when it came). The waiter came around like 5 times to take the check. Finally I said something and then he said - "Well, we could pay this and get another drink somewhere else."

Part of me wanted to die of fatigue. The other part of me kinda perked up and got more into our date. Oooh - hot goatee man, you are enjoying yourself that much? Nice. I offered to buy him the after dinner drinks, but then we saw the bill was $6. (He had bought pre-dinner, waiting for table drinks too. And when I was trying to decide on a cognac that were all kinda spensive and he could see the menu - he said "Go for it! Go all out!" So I got a $14 Cognac.) I paid the $6 bill and he bought all drinks for the night.

Drinks were far more flirty. There was some touching of knees and shoulders. Totally cute stuff. I am very much looking forward to date #2. We have also texted back and forth every day since Sunday. And he is a total sweetheart. So far he has told me that I am fun. That getting to know me has been really enjoyable. ... :) Mary Mary not contrary - how does your garden grow?

(I will have to change his name from Mary if he gets far along in this game)

Saturday - Jazz

Yes - two in one day.
(Names have been changed to protect the innocent and/or stupid)

Paul was to meet me at the jazz bar. Paul has expressed in past that he was hit very hard in the bad economy and that he would have to wait till pay day to take me out. So we did. I told him to meet me inside the bar so that he wouldn't feel pressured to pay my cover. I budget $20 for the date - cover and one glass of wine. Hear me? I budgeted. Paul apprently did not.

Let's leave that topic for the moment and concentrate on the date. Paul is attractive. I could see myself liking him if we went by looks alone. He is also sociable and nice. He did make a comment about not being a guy who gets jealous. (We were at a jazz club - I was networking - and sort of apologetically told him that I had to network while we were there. Didn't want him to feel ignored even though I did not do much talking outside of just the two of us.) I do not believe guys when they say they do not get jealous. If a guy does not get jealous, then he does not care much about the person he is with. I want to be cared about. I don't want a complete jealous mania. No beating guys up because I flirt with them. My guy will have to know that flirting is a part of me, but there is a level that is healthy and natural.

The other thing. He kinda flames. He is not "Oh my god - GAY!" But he is questionable. And I am not sure I am attracted to men who are that effiminate. Well, actually, let's be honest - I'm not attracted to them. I have in past been, but those ones I got to know really well before being attracted and there was a lot of testosterone to balance out the occassional moments of "Do you know you just flapped your wrist?"

Back to the end of the date...Well Paul put the drinks on his tab. He ordered a second beer. When he was done with that and I was done nursing my one drink, the bartender asked us if we wanted another round and we visually checked in and he said yes. So 3 beers, 2 glasses of wine. $43 later. We close out the tab and his card is declined. Then he gives the guy a $10 with the card and it is still declined. He says that he doesn't understand because he checked and there was $100 in his account, but he did have trouble getting out enough cash, so he only got $20 out. As he is giving BT another card, I go to restroom. Try to make it a little less painful for him. Um...No. That was declined too. I ended up paying for the whole bill, but he did give me the $10 for tip. I was so embarrassed for him. As was he.

He really wants to make it up to me. Though now 5 days later, I think he is losing a little hope for that to happen. My gal pal says absolutely don't do it. But he claims he has "Gotten over the hurdle that has strapped him for a year and a half". No idea what that could be. It's the two cards declined that has my radar up. Not to be a gold digger, but I don't want to get involved with someone who has that deep of financial problems.

Is it nicer to let him make it up to me, when I am not sure it would go past date 2, or to reject him now?

Saturday - Hot Cocoa

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent and/or stupid)

I went ice skating on saturday with a group of gals from a book club on Meetup.com. It was sooooo fun. Peter was going to meet me after for some hot cocoa. I texted him that it was the runny nose date, because I had been outside for so long in winter weather. He texted back that it was the treasure hunt date. Apparently as we were checking in on our status of where to meet, I kept sending him a new place of where I was (i.e. "returning skates") right after he would have gotten to the previous place. We did meet under the bean eventually.

He was ok. He is not hot but he is not unattractive either. There was definitely no spark. He was a little reserved but not socially awkward. I didn't have to struggle for conversation. It was nice. There was laughter. Nothing special though. There isn't much about him that excites me outside of the fact that he travels and speaks German. But as I said - he's kind of reserved, so maybe I have just yet to learn those things.

He would like another date.

Status

Total "Dates" = 9
Total First Dates = 6
Men who have made it to second date = 1
Men who will make it to second date = 4
Men who should make it to second date = 2

First dates to come = So so so so many

I really don't know if I can keep this up. Or if I can keep the guys I am kinda sorta interested in while still seeking out new material. I am so exhausted after this weekend. I will post a short entry on all the dates in a moment. Names will be changed to protect the innocent.

The Grind

So this weekend I have 3 first dates with another date on Tuesday.

I have already had 2 and both were, well, less than to be desired. They were ok, but no great. The one was nice - no spark - a lack of attraction. But the guy was decent and we had a flow of conversation. It was just ok. I will definitely give him a second date, but I am not sure how much more to give. At this point, I just really don't see anything coming of it.

The second date - tonight - was also just ok. Conversation was much better. Connection was much better. But I am pretty sure the guy is gay and doesn't know it. Then there was the money thing.

So, if you were to go out with a guy that you already knew was struggling with the current economy. Had been unemployed for a while. Has admitted to having budget troubles even now and did not want to take you out until he was paid again because he didn't have the funds. But then a week after his next pay check agreed to go out (making you think that he knew he had the funds), and when the bartender asks whether to put your drinks on his tab, he says yes, how would you feel when TWO of his credit cards do not work to pay a $43 tab?

I felt bad for him definitely. Absolutely. But now, I am also kind of pissed off. I budgeted $20 for tonight. It was $10 cover (which I made sure to pay for on my own by asking him to meet me inside) and I ordered an $8 drink. Had I made him let me pay for my drink, I would have stayed within budget. But I ordered 2 drinks and he 3. He did give me $1o to pay for tip. But I paid $33 outside of the budget I set, that I cannot afford at Christmas time!

So do I just ignore all requests for a second date? It will be obvious that I am only do it because he is having financial issues. I would totally have given him a second date - gay vibe and all. That wasn't strong enough to combat the connection. But gay and can't admit he's broke? I really don't know what to do. I told him not to let his embarrassment stop him from emailing me, but I think if it does, I just won't reach out to him. If he does email me, then I will have to make a choice.

UGH!

It would be far better if the dates were both really really shitty!!

I really hope Tuesday's date goes well. Tomorrow I am not so worried about - he is from Indiana - about a 45 minute drive. So I am giving it a chance, but also not sold on the possibility of a guy outside of the city.

Would you willingly date a man who continuously risks his life?

So we are all going to die. It's a given. But would you be willing to date a cop, a soldier - any man in a job that has a much higher likelihood of dying young?

I just had a great - and I mean great - conversation with a new guy. He is very fit, so of course, all those insecurities come into play. But he did make some reference to a tall woman who he thinks decided not to date him because of their height difference. He is only 5'7". And he made some comment about being shallow, but everyone having their "thing". So we shall see if he is as shallow as GMan.

So besides all the basic things, there is the issue that he was a Marine, then in the Navy Reserves, now in the National Guard. His enlistment is almost up. And he hurt his back in Bagdad 2 years ago, but if he gets that fixed, he is seriously considering going to Officer School (or what have you). While I respect and admire those who chose to serve, and I cannot begin to understand the level of commitment that they feel; I have to question the sense of a man who wants to start a family also wanting to put himself back into a line of work that has so much risk. He did mention that there are many other considerations that would cause him to make a different decision, which I inferred meant starting a family.

Obviously thoughts to put on the back burner for now, but it is a good question.

PS. This dating thing is screwing with my sleep schedule!

Is it Date 4 or Date 3

So went over C's house tonight. This impromptu thing is killing me! After work I had to go buy razors. I did some nether grooming that I would much rather have had some aesthetician take care of! This was after a workout in a real shower - please don't think that I shaved in some public toilet.

Why was it impromptu - well...

C invited me to stay over sometime this week, but I have appointments every day after work, so I invited him here. He said the logistics did not look good. I got kind of pissy - because he also refused to just come here on Booty Call night instead of going all the way to his place. This was a good moment for C - he sensed pissiness even though I was trying to be "cool" and called me to chat. Once he knew that my appointments would be done by 7 and that no, I would not just kick him out the door in the morn and hop on my bike, but rather take the brown to work with him (we work a block apart), he didn't see the logistics as so bad. Also, he didn't remember adamantly refusing to find parking around here and insisting on picking me up on Saturday. We've discovered that he doesn't remember a lot from Saturday - he was a little more drunk than he knew or let on. So glad I got in a car with him. He did not seem drunk at all, but there are many moments (like him telling me I was a good kisser tonight - "You already told me that." "No, you told me that." "Yes, I told you that on Friday, but you told me on Saturday." "I did?! I really don't remember that.") that he just lost.

Tangent - sorry. Anywho, we both agreed that with the holidays (he is leaving Friday), it was still a little much (I did not want to clean for him - my floors are covered in rocksalt from the streets). And I made the point that we probably wouldn't get much sleep since we are new to each other, so it was better to leave sleepovers for the weekend.

But today by text, I said "Funny that we are so focused on getting back in bed together that we didn't even suggest just having a date this week." He made a few jokes about priorities and who wants to go out on a date in this cold. And I said "well I could have come over, made dinner and then have taken care of the priorities and still slept in my own bed that night". Again more jokes "wow. go home after? You're a trooper". Then finally, "are you sure we can't do that tonight? I can pick you up. And take you home."

And so you have it - AlacazamDate.

It was ok. Dinner was tasty - I used a little too much cayenne. Making out was fun, but he had trouble again getting me "happy". He is good - lots of skills - just not finding the right pattern, I guess. Still no sex. Which actually makes me happy. Like somehow we are keeping it at bay. Because - I really don't want to get too wrapped up in him before I check out other options. And he did drive me home at about 10:45. It's probably a 25-30 min drive.

The end consensus - C might truly be just a casual thing. I can't tell if I just don't care about it going further than fun or if I am comfortable with him. I still get nervous, but mostly feel like we are just hanging out. It's easy. But there isn't too much of a spark. A click, I guess. Not a spark. Maybe its the manboobs.

Well...

So, I may have to take back the "good kisser" comment and the "potential" comment. I am not sure how much to say here - but here goes...

C and I had an impromptu date Friday. I was at my work Christmas party and had plans later with my sister. He texted to ask if there was any chance I would want to do something laid back that night. I thought about acting unavailable, but decided I wanted to go. So I told him that I did have plans with my sister later and would only have time to squeeze in a drink.

We ended up staying out till 10 together because Sis cancelled while we were having our drink. He tried to coax me back to his place. Numerous Times. Instead, I played coy and he was a gentleman and drove me and my bike all the way home (we were like 2 minutes from his place and 20 from mine). The kiss at the end of the night was lovely.

So why would I change my mind? Well, the next night he totally bootie called me. At about midnight we started texting and he wouldn't stop asking me to let him pick me up and take me back to his place. For the first 30 minutes, I said no. I was tempted to just go over and truly force him to only cuddle and make out a bit (which is what he promised me - only cuddling - oh boys - do they think we are so dense to their ploys). After another 30 minutes of texts and phone calls, I finally decided that this may be my rebound opportunity.

Of course, we didn't just cuddle. And at first the kissing was still superb, but as he gets more passionate he kisses much deeper and harder - for me, he goes a little too far. And have you ever had the experience where a guy doesn't realize that he is not giving you much room to maneuver and you feel trapped? It went there too. Also, I am not nearly as attracted to him with his shirt off - manboob issue. He is trying to lose weight though.

We had a good time. Fooled around quite a lot but didn't have sex. So, maybe there still is potential. And he seemed talented at some things and definitely a quick learner. He likes to be told what you like. This is good, because he is willing to adapt to your desires. But I don't like too much chatter.

So is it just a rebound and some fun times ahead? I need more dates! I need more options!

Phew

C is a decent kisser. Possibly a very good kisser, though we did not test it out too much tonight.

:D

Finally the good stuff.

One more thing...

4. I am not sure if I have talked about him before, but I have had two pretty decent phone conversation with this civil engineer. We had a brief coffee date yesterday. Brief being as much time as we could squeeze in between work and my yoga class - so an hour and a half. It was really good! And guess what - kinda felt a click, a connection. The thing I say I never feel on date one. We had fun and he totally made those lovely comments about "next time" and "when we hang out again". :) I love potential!!!! He is cute. He is not super fit, running 11 miles before our date. He does work out though, so not totally lazy. I did get a little scared when he started talking about his softball team. I had bad acid flashbacks to E-Roc in that moment (some of you may recall the man with the alter ego that I met before Brockoslava). But C seems to have a decent balance of his interests in life.

Had the lovely awkward goodbye moment where I went in for a hug and he went in for a kiss on the cheek but didn't quite make it easily. It was cute.

Hee hee hee hee hee. Goodness, I hope we go on date two before Christmas!

And I hope he is a decent kisser.

No eggs in one basket - don't worry. I just spent two whole hours sending messages to more matches on Eharmony and archiving the ones I really really have no interest in.

Slowing Down and Lots of Happenings

A lot happened in the past couple of days.

1. There has been a major slow down on my internet sites. Eharmony is now primarily matching me with people outside of Chicago (I chose about 4 states I would consider - PA being one of them. Who knows - maybe someone in Da Burgh will strike up a conversation and I will be drawn back home-ish). OkCupid - well I don't really check matches there. But my inbox has slowed down a TON! This could partially be caused by me allowing it to slow down. Not seeking out people to message, etc.

2. Gman sent me a lovely message telling me that he just didn't feel the "right connection". It was very sweet. I mean that. But now I am going to get snarky. IT"S INTERNET DATING! I do not expect a deep connection on the first date, but the only time I will not accept a second date is when I KNOW I am not attracted to them or they are too huge a dork. But it was sweet.

3. I received an e-mail on Ok Cupid saying "Nice profile. Interesting. Not to mention those curves. And by the way, I am serbian too". I look at his profile and there is a section that goes on a tirade about how stupid the women are on Ok Cupid. There are at least 7 distinct points that he makes. So I write back saying "I am not interested in a man who berates all other women on their profile, because I think I am better. You may want to rethink that depending on what women you intend to attract." Granted. I provoked him. I should have said nothing at all and moved on with my life. But some guys really are clueless and need a hint and women deserve to be defended in situations like those. This was his gracious response to me:

"do you honestly think any man is interested in your opinion or would bother to contact you were it not for your tits and vagina?

Honey, given your age and the fact your modest looks are rapidly approaching their expiration date you seem to be in need of a reality check."

Really helps build that faith that good ones are still out there.

Date Numero Uno

Hmmmmm.... How to describe GMan. I think my coworker may have manifested the extreme of a personality type for me. I told J that I had a date and his first question was "Is he intellectual?" OMG!

This guy thinks about everything. There are no sheer reactions. He thinks. I do not think he laughed once on our date. And I am pretty good at making people laugh. It wasn't a bad date. And he wasn't completely socially awkward. In fact, he was very interesting. And HOT - he needs some better pictures online. He is very active (probably a little too for me). He ran 11 miles that morning in the snow. And it's kinda of fun to listen to him. But I get the impression that he is so locked in his learning and his thoughts that he doesn't listen to others very well.

I get to the place for the wine tasting at 2 (when he told me it started). He is not there yet. I go in - the wine tasting doesn't actually start until 3. Nice. Once he gets there, after his confusion clears, he apologizes for the mixup and shows me that he brought us some chocolate to share. Very sweet. We decide to go to an aquarium and an art gallery while we wait. Conversation was interesting - not flowing but not too awkwardly stuck. He knows a lot about a lot of things! He seemed impressed by a few of the things I told him.

The wine tasting was awful. The manager and his friend got real glasses with real pours while we got plastic dixie cups with teeny pours. We tried 6 wines and I think I maybe had 1/3 of a glass. It was free. What do I expect? The only two things that he did that could mean he is interested - he noticed my eyes. And he did touch my shoulder... ... ... once. There was no cute flirtation or the type of chemistry where you try to stand really close to each other. But I don't read into internet first dates too much.

He gave me the chocolate to keep. And he hugged me awkwardly and said "This was fun" at the end. Told me to let him know how I like the raspberry chocolate and seemed to be thinking about something else to say or waiting for me to say something. As I was walking away, I said "Call me ...or something." "Ok."

He was very hard to read. Let's see if this takes another step. My hopes are neither high nor low.

Trouble right here in River city

So, I dove into being single like I dive into many things in my life. I do not believe it is a bad trait per se. It got me a Cougar as my first car (kind of a dream come true), but then that turned out to be a money pit. It got me a great job in San Francisco. It got me a job in Chicago in a bad market, even though that turned out to be working for a masochistic narcissist. And it got me a new and better job.

Truly, I enjoy my plumb desire for life and all it offers. A few scrapes is nothing compared to the thrill.
But - THERE ARE SO MANY MEN!!!

So many men are on dating sites. And why do so many of those put up ugly pictures? Really boys? If a woman put up pictures half as bad as some of the ones you do, you wouldn't spend 2 seconds looking at what she wrote. Of course, a bad picture that is a true representation is better than no picture.

I feel like I have spent as much time on this, lately, as I have looking for jobs in the past. Probably more. This is more fun.

So I think I have a date Saturday. And possibly one next week if I can find the time.

Wondering when the slowing down will occur. Hopefully not until I find a guy who proves he is ready to commit. I wonder what that will mean for me now that I wasted 15 months on someone who wasn't. Am I going to actually have to have a ring given to me before I will be exclusive with someone? And then the ever present question - if you are dating multiple guys - how do you handle sex??? Can you really only sleep with one man. How long would the others string along for in that case? But I am getting WAY ahead of myself.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Let the Games Begin!

Well, here it is folks. Another opening. Another show.

I just broke up with a wonderful man (see below).

We ended it about a week ago. But it was over the Thursday before Thanksgiving. That was when he told me that he "just didn't see us pulling through this". "This" by the way was his fear of changing his life just to be with me. We were long distance, you see.

So now, in honor of a friend who wrote her dating sagas in a blog but stopped because she is now dating someone she loves (who started her blog in honor of a friend who stopped her dating blog because she fell in love), I will carry the torch.

What should a girl do after a breakup? Well, probably take some time to mourn. Take some time to rebound. Then get back out there. HA! I was on Ok Cupid the Thursday he made that call. I joined eHarmony the day after our final goodbye to each other nearly a week later. He set me on a path. I was a single, vivacious, independent woman who had no need for a man. Now I am still single, vivacious and independent, but I am ready to be a coupled, vivacious, independent woman who needs her man.

In 5 days on eHarmony, I already have about 35 matches, 18 of which I am currently "communicating" with, and I have archived about 10 more.

On OK Cupid, I am probably communicating actively with about 5-8 men. Not sure, honestly.

The other thing I think a woman should do to reclaim her life is get a new look on it. Tonight was rearrange furniture night!!! I wasn't supposed to do it till Saturday, but I was bit by some crazy motivation beetle. It was insane! I was totally on fire.

BEFORE



AFTER




It's a little hard to tell, but essentially - my bed and papazan switched places. And the bookshelves moved to not only make room for the bed but to have reading nook. :)

So there is your intro. More later. More on the dating itself, I hope!