In trying to define whether I am avoiding dates because of fear or whether I am just annoyed with the crap that goes along with internet dating, I came to this idea:
If being in a relationship is all about sharing your life (for me I tend to want to share everything with the person that I am dating), then it is bullshit when they tell you to love yourself first, fulfill yourself first and the right person will come along. Why? Because when I am doing what I want to do in life; when I am feeling fulfilled and happy by myself and for myself, I am not in a place where there is room for a partner. Maybe it's true that in that place is where you attract people because you are so happy, but then either you struggle to make room for that person and that struggle messes with the relationship OR you enjoy that person so much that you don't notice that you are no longer doing the things that fulfill you until your life becomes all about them. With some relationships, people are lucky and they find fulfillment WITH each other while still having time for themselves. But that is a balance that is hard to achieve in the early stages (0 months - 2 years) of the relationship.
This all came from me not wanting to go on a second date with DancerBoy. I told a friend that I thought it was because of fear. But when she pressed me to define the fear all I could think of was how frustrating it is to communicate in those early stages. How many times I have thought - why isn't he writing back or calling? How I wonder if I've shared too much. That is not really fear just frustration. I think where the fear comes in is when I think about wasting MY time and My thoughts and worries on men that are not worth it. Men that are never going to get to that perfect sharing balance with me. I don't want to spend days upon days dating frogs to find a prince. I would rather become queen all on my own merits.
Blog worthy post? Not sure.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
New boys Part Two
OOPS! I totally forgot to write part 2!! That is because part two was so nonthrilling that I apparently did not even want to waste my precious time on it. And you want to know a funny thing. If he called or texted - I would go out with him again.
So tall guy - not particularly heart throb material, but nothing to throw back after the catch either. We went to Ghiardelli - what a stupid idea for me! I was picking the place to meet for tea. But I was pretty sure that the italian place in the Hancock closes at 3:00 ish. What I really wanted was their mexican hot cocoa. The original idea was get tea and walk the beach/trail. So we go to Ghiardelli and I am a good girl because it was two days before my weight watchers meeting (which while going really slow - is also going really great!! I cannot wait to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe once I hit goal!), so I just get tea. And he gets a strawberry shake. Which means that we have to sit in the store/restaurant area to eat it because it is so darn hot out, it would melt in an instant. There I am sitting around all these hot fudge sundaes... :) But I digress.
So, the conversation was ok. Interesting, but also a bit slow. Or rather - in Ghiardelli, it was pretty good conversation. Nothing thrilling, but good. But was we got walking it got a bit harder.
Frankly - it was a pretty boring date. The funny thing: I left the date thinking boring could be good. How backwards have I gotten? But I am also serious about that. Everytime that it is exciting, a rush, a deep connection - that fades fast. Either the guy was just working really hard to rope you in and then backs off when he catches you. Or he wraps you around his finger only to pull out his immense psychosis after you think he could be the one. Or the least annoying - you just run out of similarities and realize that his daily life is so vastly different and while he wants to share it with you, you really do not want any part (like shopping at Costco or Bestbuy everyday to while away the time).
So boring, but with like ideas - not so shabby. It's steady. Sometimes interesting. Who knows - could be amazing in bed - it's a struggle to get that far to find out.
It is neither here nor there because I haven't heard boo from him since last Tuesday. I could have possibly not sent the right signals - I said the fated "So... call me". BUT I MEAN IT WHEN I SAY IT! And when I say it, there is no way I am going to call you. I am putting the ball in your court by doing that because I cannot tell whether you are interested AT ALL.
So that was two. I will try to post a bit later or tomorrow. I have come to some interesting ponderings about dating and the space I am in right now.
So tall guy - not particularly heart throb material, but nothing to throw back after the catch either. We went to Ghiardelli - what a stupid idea for me! I was picking the place to meet for tea. But I was pretty sure that the italian place in the Hancock closes at 3:00 ish. What I really wanted was their mexican hot cocoa. The original idea was get tea and walk the beach/trail. So we go to Ghiardelli and I am a good girl because it was two days before my weight watchers meeting (which while going really slow - is also going really great!! I cannot wait to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe once I hit goal!), so I just get tea. And he gets a strawberry shake. Which means that we have to sit in the store/restaurant area to eat it because it is so darn hot out, it would melt in an instant. There I am sitting around all these hot fudge sundaes... :) But I digress.
So, the conversation was ok. Interesting, but also a bit slow. Or rather - in Ghiardelli, it was pretty good conversation. Nothing thrilling, but good. But was we got walking it got a bit harder.
Frankly - it was a pretty boring date. The funny thing: I left the date thinking boring could be good. How backwards have I gotten? But I am also serious about that. Everytime that it is exciting, a rush, a deep connection - that fades fast. Either the guy was just working really hard to rope you in and then backs off when he catches you. Or he wraps you around his finger only to pull out his immense psychosis after you think he could be the one. Or the least annoying - you just run out of similarities and realize that his daily life is so vastly different and while he wants to share it with you, you really do not want any part (like shopping at Costco or Bestbuy everyday to while away the time).
So boring, but with like ideas - not so shabby. It's steady. Sometimes interesting. Who knows - could be amazing in bed - it's a struggle to get that far to find out.
It is neither here nor there because I haven't heard boo from him since last Tuesday. I could have possibly not sent the right signals - I said the fated "So... call me". BUT I MEAN IT WHEN I SAY IT! And when I say it, there is no way I am going to call you. I am putting the ball in your court by doing that because I cannot tell whether you are interested AT ALL.
So that was two. I will try to post a bit later or tomorrow. I have come to some interesting ponderings about dating and the space I am in right now.
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