Sweet or Smart. Sweet or Smart.

Had a date tonight with a guy that seemed very intellectual on his profile. Very into current events. I told him early in the eHarm process that I thought we would possibly annoy the hell out of each other.

So before the date - I really really did not want to go. I was kind of miffed that he did not respond to my text from the morning about which restaurant we were meeting at or the text I sent at 4pm asking if we were still on for dinner. At about 5:45, I assumed he was not interested and standing me up. Or essentially standing me up - we hadn't picked a place, just a time, a neighborhood and a type of food. I had gotten out of the tub and was just deciding to put on my PJs instead of clothes, when he texted. I was kind of disappointed. I was having a nice lowkey day and just wanted to veg out to dumb tv or a dumb book (reading Sex in the City).

We had agreed on 7, but I had wanted to meet at 6 and he wanted to meet at 7:30. So then when I was ready and bored by 6:30 and he texted that he would be there at 7:15 , I was even more miffed.

I decided to "release" and just go with it. I am so glad I did. It was a very nice and funny date. The place he picked was a total dive (sushi) and we were totally afraid of bad fish. We were the ONLY TWO people in the restaurant. And he had a bad stomach that day (too much drinking the day before - we'll see how that plays out), so we were kind of scared. It made for a funny date. When he got his diet coke - he heard her open a can and said "Oooh, I just paid about 2 bucks for that can and there are probably no refills". Then when it came, I immediately started laughing and he says to the waitress "In a To Go cup - that's great!" It was really a dive. Really funny. Oh and why he texted so late. In our phone call, he said we would figure out the restaurant while he was on the train. I thought he meant the next day on his way home from work (or course I forgot to text when he would have been coming home from work because I was with my sis and niece). He meant on the train to the date. And was not paying attention to his phone all day because there was no reason to.

So he's a photographer as a side job, seems very passionate about it. And we kind of bonded on the burn out of a passion that is a side biz in fields that are not easy. I took him to get sweet belgian waffles after and then he walked me home even though he was freezing and was catching the brown line. I don't kiss on a first date, but for some reason I guess I didn't care about being "that girl". And BOY did he kiss me goodnight. He just went for it. No sweet, soft, chaste kiss goodnight. It was shocking but nice. Fun.

So now, just when I thought I was down to two - one fun to be with but not physically attractive enough for me - the other very physically attractive, wonderfully sweet but maybe not quite intelligent enough, but definitely the winner of the two - now I have a third. A third that is kind of a geek but in a very good way and definitely intelligent enough and while not as hot as Mary, cute enough to be sexy. It kind of made me sad that Mary has competition. Things are going so well with him. I really hope that the universe works it out for me so I do not have to make a choice.

Updates

This has been a very good week for dating. It could help that either through reading Mike Dooley again or just some time, I have dug out of my hating, poor me, leave me alone phase - for now, at least.

I had a hilarious experience with a guy over text. My parents were in town. While my sis and I were getting manicures with my Mom for her birthday, I got a text from a guy asking if I wanted to go to lunch. This man and I had a date scheduled for the Friday before but he had to cancel 2 hours before because of work. So he asked if I wanted to go to lunch.

Walking home from manicure, I text - 5:15 - "Where is .....?"

Get home. Have a family dinner. Check my phone. Have 4 texts from him.

5:20 "The place we were gonna go Friday"

5:35 "(Writes correct name of restaurant that he had gotten wrong in invite text)"

5:55 "Guess not"

6:15 "Good luck in your search. I wish you well"

I explained that I was eating with my parents and I felt that after 4 days of no contact, his jumping to this point after only an hour was a bit abrupt. Then we went back and forth expressing our impressions of the situation of our "relationship" from the cancelled date till now. It was way too stupid. I have no patience or sympathy right now for sensitive men. Both D and this guy were obviously very sensitive throughout the communication process and with both I had arguments or discussions about our relationship (that did not exist) WAY WAY WAY too early.

But this week - had a date with Peter (code name). This was date 3. He is the guy I am not attracted to, but about halfway through the date, I decided that I really want to let this go on a bit and see what happens. He is really easy to talk to and it's enjoyable to go out with him. He is a bit effeminate. And I think if he was not, I might be more physically attracted to him. He was very chaste this time on the goodnight kiss. And I totally teased him about it over text later. I said - we kind of switched roles for the kiss tonight. And he said - well the truth is I cannot wait to see you again but I had to play it cool. ;-)

During the date I got a call from a new guy and a few texts from Mary.

Mary is sweet sweet sweet. And he kinda stepped up his game. I guess not seeing me for a weekend was an incentive for him. No phone calls. Just texts. But very nice communication. I am bad over the phone and I think I make it a little too clear (without saying much) that I do not like phone. So it kind of backfires, because when in a relationship, I like to talk to my boyfriend over more than just text. But yeah - sweet. I get to see him tomorrow. :D:D And we are talking about a possible romantic ski weekend together. And he has invited me to his Superbowl party. Not sure if I will go to that, might have family plans, but it would be a good litmus test of his friends.

New guy and I have scheduled a date for Sunday. Sushi.

All I can say is thank god for books that remind me of my power and the abundance of the universe...and yoga. Because this kind of dating would be too far difficult without that grounding.

If you want a kiss, go for it!

So I had date 2 with Joseph, the marine. F-I-N-A-L-L-Y. It has been about a month, maybe more. We had at least 2 other dates scheduled that fell through because of his work schedule or work mishaps. I had a lot of fun. He seemed really spastic and nervous. And I am not really attracted to him. AND he is just in a place in his life that is "too young". I am not making a judgement on the fact that he is a year younger. I am making a judgement on the fact that every story was still about going out drinking, that he'd been out till 5 a.m. the evening before we went out, that he has no desire to start a family any time soon. Too young.

I asked about the drinking thing and mentioned that I am so over that lifestyle. He said he was making up for "lost time" from when he was with his ex-wife. 5 years in his 20's that he considers wasted away. I said - so how much more time do you need to make up? "Probably about 4 years - hahahaha".

I tried to pay for the date because I wanted to end on even footing, but he wouldn't let me. He drove me home and then I gave him ample opportunity to kiss me. There was time before we got in his car when I was trying to say goodbye and that I would just walk. And then when he actually dropped me off. Again I felt a spastic vibe - I don't want to say nervous - but hyper maybe and sort of shy/avoiding. He was not going for a kiss, so I leaned in to hug him. Well, of course, then there was a moment in the lean-in that he obviously thought I was possibly going for a kiss and landed in my hair.

I am sorry. If you want a kiss - you are the man! GO FOR IT!

There will not be a date three.

Taking it slow

So Mary and I have had a few dates since I last wrote. One was a wine and cheese date where we went shopping together for the goods and then came back to my place and hung out (made out) and generally had a good time. I was not very talkative and was sort of just taking it all in. He is a cutie. Very basic boy. Kind of immature and not very intellectual. Well, not intellectually stimulating. He revealed that in his late teens and early college years, he had a problem with A.D.D. and had to take ridulin, but that he no longer takes it. The making out was fun but nothing that rocked my world. We had both agreed that we would take this one step at a time. So, only second base.

Then we had a date yesterday. We were supposed to go to the museum, but had a bit of a miscommunication. He had said we should go to the Art Institute but he meant the photography museum at Columbia which I didn't have the address for. Do you know how many buildings Columbia has in a 10 block radius? So we were walking in the cold for quite some time, stopped at Panera to warm up. And we were right by the library. He had never been. We found someone who knew where the photography museum was but decided to hit the library first. It was neat. I have never gone to the library just to look at the architecture and exhibits. I didn't even really know that there were any exhibits. Then we did make it to the museum and the photo exhibits there were just WEIRD! There were two exhibits and not very interesting. It was a nice laid back, relaxed date.

However, a few more things started revealing themselves. He had saved a pathetically abused pit bull just that morning from his neighbor. And he was a little bit anxious about the whole thing. The dog came up to him as he was leaving for our date. He was acting afraid, so Mary put him down in his basement and fed him some left over lasagna. The dog apparently smelled like poop and he looked as if he hadn't eaten for days or weeks. So it comes out the Mary sometimes has a problem with anxiety. And he thanked me for distracting him from being anxious. By the way, he did make it clear that his anxiety and emotions are on a moderate scale (compared to people with depression and anxiety issues that need to seek help). At dinner, we had a very awkward conversation about why he wants to take it slow. It was a good conversation to have. He asked how many dates I have been on through eHarmony. And he told me that he is dating one other gal on eHarmony. And he feels its about finding the person you work best with. Totally reasonable. And that is one reason he wants to take it slow and not have sex. That's great! I love it. It makes me very happy. However the whole situation puts me off - makes me feel like I am experiencing all this at a distance. He also said that because of his anxiety, he sometimes has issues performing in bed, which is another reason he likes to wait until he really knows a girl.

All this is reasonable, but when he dropped me off, the kiss was so moderate in comparison to past sessions, it was more than obvious that his mind was on getting back to that dog. The whole thing just left me in a very low mood. I got so pissed off at Brock. Wanted to email him and say that he sucks because every guy has issues and he just couldn't allow me to support him. Just all sorts of nasty, dark, pissed, and sad thoughts. Then 20 minutes after he left, I realized that I left my bag with my iPad in his car. So he said he would bring it up tonight (MLK day) and get to see me again.

Today was still a continuation of the why am I even doing this? Why am I dating when everyone is screwed up and its too darn complicated? thoughts. I didn't really want to see him. Didn't really want to see anyone. But I made him dinner and he came over. Dinner was pretty delectable. He seemed happy as a clam. We decided to watch Hitchhikers guide, but of course barely watched it. We had fun making out and maybe when we get a little more into things and it doesn't feel like highschool groping, I will be able to coach him a bit on how not to just paw at me like a caveman. Don't get me wrong - its not awful. There are some very sexy moments. Just not what I would want to build a relationship on, if that makes sense. But its hard to start giving instruction when I know that we are not going anywhere with it. No clothes off. It's weird. But I also appreciate the getting to know you part.

By the way, D from a couple of posts ago. We had an awesome date and some very fun back and forth texts emails and calls. But he always put the ball in my court on decision making. He always would hint that I should be flirting with him more and talking to him on the phone more. And finally right when he should have been coming to pick me up for date two, we had a fight. hahahaha! I snapped at him for not listening to me when I said that I did not want to make the decision (about whether to cancel date because of weather). He got pissed and we ended up emailing back and forth two times about the "fight" and decided it was bad foreboding for us. So he is gone. I haven't responded to C's last few texts (guy that I got hot and heavy with too fast before christmas), so I think that's over. Paul has not emailed since before Christmas (money-issue guy), so I think he is off the checklist, thankfully. And I think I mentioned in the last short post that Peter and I had date 2 (date 3 is scheduled for a week and a half away) but I am not attracted to him.

Maybe the universe is helping me shuffle through this quickly. There was supposed to be a date with another guy on Friday. He called tonight while Mary was here. Poor guy. We never seem to connect on the phone or on dates (he ended up having to stay at work on Friday until 3 am, so date did not happen). Feel bad that I didn't answer phone, but not so bad as I was into some heavy kissing.

I forget if Joseph (fake names, remember) was the Marine. But the marine and I are supposed to have a date tomorrow. Once again I very clearly put the decision ball in his court. After some initial back and forth, I texted him sunday telling him to pick a place that I could meet him at by 6pm and text me the place Monday night. I did not want another day where I do not know what my friggin plan is for the night. What does he text back? "I just woke up. My brain is fried. Got any ideas?" So I say "Well hopefully your brain will not be fried tomorrow". It's tomorrow, Monday, 10:22 and there is no text from him. I am so pissed off that I almost want to cancel the date.

Sorry this was a long, negative post, but there was a lot to say.

So much to think about

There is so much to tell since my last post. 2 more dates with Mary, both sort of thought provoking. Maybe tonight's even more so than last week's. Another date with Peter who I wish I was attracted to, because we had a great time. More cancelled dates. I just don't know how I feel about the whole shabang. I am sort of disenchanted with dating - which I guess I never was enchanted by it because of starting so soon in after the breakup. I am having fun with it all, but just not feeling magical about any of it.

And am I ever going to meet someone my age who isn't a bit Effed up? I just found out that Mary has a bit of a problem with "anxiety". Great. Why do I attract men with emotional issues? Or am I in denial thinking that I handle my attitudes and emotions better than the men I attract who are anywhere from bi-polar and in denial even though they have attempted suicide to ADD or have issues with anxiety and readily admit it. yeah - you heard me.

Fallen Through

Yet another date fell through. In his defense, we hadn't set an exact time. We said after my appointment after work and he did know that was over at 7. But apparently he slept through 3 missed calls and his alarms. I had sent him an email with a place and a time around 4 p.m. today (he works nights). He woke up 6 minutes before I had suggested meeting. Asked if I still wanted to meet before getting the email and I am the one who said "Let's reschedule". This is the marine. I am not too interested in him as time goes by, so it was no big deal.

But I guess I am going to have to get used to guys canceling hours before a date (or minutes). Even though I would never to that to someone if it could be at all helped.

Both dates fell through. One asked to reschedule because I asked him to meet early so I could watch the Steelers game. All of this planning was only over text. When I tried to call, he didn't answer and he didn't have any voicemail set up on his cell phone. Not just no greeting. No voicemail at all. And I couldn't leave a message. That is sketchy to me. So I am not going to pursue rescheduling.

The other cancellation was kind of funny. I had a way too truthful and revealing conversation (for this early in the dating stage) with someone that has potential. We have not met. Thus the too revealing, but he asked about the multi-dating, so I went into why I am multi-dating. He will not last long if he cannot deal with me dating more than just him. We shall see. BUT right after I hung up with him, I was answering a text from Mary and a call came in. If I am texting when a call comes in and I keep typing, it will automatically answer the call. So I barely saw the caller ID. The guy who called has the same first name as the guy I had just talked to!!! So I answered "Are you calling me back because the Steelers scored?" and the guy was like "Tara? It's D... from eHarmony" "Yeah...hi." Until he said he had to cancel tonight, I had no idea he wasn't the other D! And then they sounded kind of alike! So then I got paranoid that the other D was playing some sort of trick trying to show me the evils of multi-dating. Poor guy. I sounded so aloof on the phone. Basically said "Oh yeah sure whatever." "Maybe we can reschedule for some other weekend?" "Of course. Just let me know. Bye." LMAO!!!

Best Date EVER

Holy cow! Mary will be a hard one to get over if I have to ever get over him. I really hope C was the rebound and Mary is one to last. Holy cow!

So he picks me up. There is a lean in on his part where he wasn't sure if I was going in for a greeting kiss. Glad I didn't - the anticipation was beautiful. Dinner was great again. A very nice sushi place. Not too upscale. Just right. Very fresh fish! Conversation flowed easily. We laughed a lot again. He paid for dinner, and I paid for the movie.

We were hilarious. So glad no one sat by us. We weren't pawing each other precisely, but we really couldn't keep our hands off each other in some way. It started very modest. I would lean in to say something in his ear and he would stroke my knee while I was telling him and then stop when I was done. But as the movie went on, we were basically touching in some way the whole time. Holding hands. Stroking knees/thighs. Arm around me at one point with other hand on my arm closest to him. I think I caught him trying to secretly smell my hair once.

It felt like high school! But more adult at the same time. There were a few moments where I leaned in or back to whisper something that he almost went in for a kiss thinking that my intention. So ladies, he did wait for me to kiss him. I am almost damn sure that if I hadn't, he would have gone for it by the end of the night. But once the credits nearly fully rolled and the theater was essentially empty, I pulled him to me and boy was he ready. It was not a first kiss. It was full of passion and yearning. I was fairly light headed by the end of it. It was kind of sloppy but not in a bad way. (Though my bad kisser radar tweaked a bit). So we start to leave and kissed modestly a few times on the way to the car. Then we got in the car at 12:00 a.m. and did not leave the parking lot until 12:25. It just got better and better. He told me I had really soft lips. He told me I smelled good.

We decided to find a hydrant to continue the fun for a bit. And I think we continued the fun from 12:45 - 1:30. Neither of us wanted to stop. And more compliments came from him. He loves my eyes - they are so expressive. This man is not a talker, but boy is he better than my ex at expressing himself. Shoot man! And the kissing by this point was so good. So in tune. Not sloppy at all. Towards the end I had my back against passenger door and he was kind of laying with his head on my shoulder and said after a pause and a sigh "I like you." In a strong, not shy, declamatory tone.

This boy has me falling!!! He walked me to my door and we kissed goodnight some more. My heart is still beating fast. Hot Damn!

2 first dates tomorrow.