Two new boys - Part one (Take two)

(Let's try this again!)
Well, on my self-imposed break I was still flirting with OKCupid and still thinking about going back on eHarmony because they gave me the $9 a month deal for 3 months again. Flirting meaning 1 or 2 visits a week. In that time, correspondance with 3 guys started progressing. One started his first email with “we should meet” and I basically said “sure, when?” and have heard nothing since. So, let’s forget about him and talk about DancerBoy!

DancerBoy and I had communicated on OKC before but then he took a break and shut down both this profiles. He is now back. In his first long, cute email, he ended with “when do I get to give you a dance lesson?” He used to be a social dance teacher. So, I pretty much said “anytime” and ended up with an invite sent at 8pm Friday night for going out Saturday night. Now, we know I am not spontaneous and like my plans. I did not have plans for Saturday, but did want to be available for a friend just in case. Also, I was extremely motivated on what was a very odd Saturday.

I had been woken up at 3am by my cat. While trying to fall back asleep, my brain started drafting a personal statement I have to write for a Masters application. After about 15 minutes of drafting and redrafting, I just got up and started typing. By 9 am, I had written the statement, gone to the beach to watch the sunrise and journal and taken in a yoga class. That was when I got the invite for that night! I ended up looking so flaky by the end of the day. I told him about the morning and that I had potential unconfirmed plans. I said I would check in later and see if he was still available. So around 4 pm, we started discussing whether we would actually meet. I waffled back and forth so much! “I don’t know if I am too tired to go dancing – but it sounds like so much fun.” “I really want to keep getting stuff done, so let me see how much I can get done before I would have to leave” (5:30) “I would have to start getting ready now, but I do want to meet you.” Finally I said “let’s just do it!”

But then, he found out the band did not start until 10:30, so I said “nevermind, I won’t last until then, but how about tea instead.” (This will be a long post)
It was a GREAT date!!! Conversation was stimulating, sparks, tons of laughter! He is smart, witty, dorky, a dancer!, takes life my the horns, did I say smart?  He is getting a second law degree because he could not find a job after getting his first one. And therefore, he is very very poor! He has also applied to 600 job openings in the tiny niche that he wants. I admire him for going after what he wants, but I do not admire not finding another job and just wracking up debt and using government funding because it was easier to stay in school than do something not quite right. My other doubt is that he is so married to this niche, that he will move anywhere.

Then let’s handle the money. Yes, I am THAT GIRL. No. I do not want a sugar daddy nor do I need that man to be the man. However, I do want relative equality in our pay rates or would prefer the man make more. That is my ideal – I am not saying that it’s my way or the highway. But, take that mentality out of it and it is just simply hard to date someone who has NO MONEY!

Also – a bad thing that has relevance later. He was trying to explain that you do not need dance lessons that teach the “basic” step to be able to dance. If you have a good leader, he will put your feet where he wants them. To illustrate this, he made me get up and dance with him IN THE CAFÉ. Does this show verve? Yes. Do I like the sprite in him? Yes. Was I very uncomfortable – YES. Because for me, going to a café means peace, quiet and a place I can lose myself. I felt we were being discourteous. It was not a stage, not a club, not a dancefloor, not even a bar with a band playing. All of those would have been more appropriate.

The really good moment that becomes relevant later was the goodnight kiss! When we got outside my bus came way too fast and we had an adorable, silly, romantic moment where he said “are you really getting on this bus?” and I said “yes” and we barely started going in for the hug/kiss/whatever, when he just led me into a really good first kiss. Not deep, not long. But I did almost miss my bus. Ladies – want to avoid the awkward goodnite kiss? Date a dancer! He led me into it as easy as leading me into a spin!!! I was thinking about it the rest of the night.

Then after a few “had a good time” messages, he sent something that I didn’t take very well. He sent a cute link that pertained to something in our conversation and then said “why don’t we have our dance lesson at my apartment or yours so you won’t be embarrassed”. I met the guy ONLINE and have only spent THREE hours with him?!?!

At first, even though shocking, I thought it was cute and wanted to come up with a cute response back but be honest and say that I would need at least two more dates before that happened, but then I kept thinking about it and all of my jaded dating baggage ran me through the various emotional responses to that – frustration, fear, anger, flattery. I never responded because I couldn’t come up with a kind response – once I got to the “how could he not know that was inappropriate at this stage” place in my head.

He wrote “was the link not cute?” And I wrote “No! Love the link, but I could only think of 4 reasons you would make the apartment suggestion and none of them had to do with my embarrassment.” I did not elaborate to him but I will to you.

Four reasons
1. Just wants another thumbnail on his Flickr page (ie. hookup). He is an amateur photographer and his flickr is full of head shots, candid shots, and glamour shots of ALL WOMEN and A LOT OF THEM!
2. He like me but was just thinking with his D$!@
3. He is a psycho killer
4. It’s really his embarrassment. I paid for tea (he did go to pay for it) and he knows he should take me out but cannot afford it.

So, his response was “Four? I can only think of two. 1. Was to alleviate embarrassment 2. To get you alone.” And more cute, nice stuff. I didn’t have time to write back because I had ANOTHER date and a dinner with a friend (meeting her boyfriend for the first time) in the same night. So I texted today “Was too busy last night to respond. I totally understand the getting alone part. That kiss definitely left me wanting more. Will write more tonight.”

I am not even sure I want to waste my time, because lately I have been really loving being single. Loving my time, my space, the fact that when my apartment is disgusting it doesn’t matter and when I clean it, I am not cleaning up someone else’s disaster. Doing what I want to do when. But maybe this path will lead me to loving my time even more.

Two New Guys - Part One

Well, on my self-imposed break I was still flirting with OKCupid and still thinking about going back on eHarmony because they gave me the $9 a month deal for 3 months again. Flirting meaning 1 or 2 visits a week. In that time, correspondance with 3 guys started progressing. One has al

OH MY GOD I HATE BLOGGER
THIS WAS THE LONGEST POST EVER AND IT MESSED UP PUBLISHING AND THIS IS ALL IT SAVED!!!!

Long Break

So I am on a half self-imposed break from dating. Half because I still occasionally go on okcupid and see if I have mail, respond if I do and want to, and sometimes check out my quiver. But it is really desolate out there, ladies. I took a break because I am sick of how hard it is to get something started. 1 date 2 dates 3 dates 4 - that's about how it goes. And I can't help getting a bit of a complex that most guys decide to fade away the date after we've taken things to the bedroom (whether that mean clothes come off or stay on). It's like - whoa - headed toward something that could mean actually giving of myself. No way, Jose!

I may be exaggerating a bit. But that was kind of how I felt before I decided to just stop.

After that last rough and tumble guy. I did have 2 dates with a 40-something who claimed he was not sure he wanted kids. We had a great first date. Then a really plutonic and odd second. And then nothing. Not without effort on my part. He said he had a great time and seemed to hint that he would like a third date. But when I blatently suggested one over email - there was no response. Nothing ever again. I had another date with a 45 year old. I wasn't really sure I wanted a second date. We both kind of let it fade. It's been three weeks without communication, then yesterday at 8am "Hey my art opening is tonight. Any chance you can come?" ???
I said good luck and that maybe next time with more than a few hours notice I could make it. He replied that he thought he had mentioned it to me. I had the refrain from saying - must be the new girl.

A guy who has recently written on OKC sent these:
Email 1 - "Hi"
(I write back with a book suggestion because he referenced that women could send him book suggestions)
Email 2 - "Thanks. How are you?"
(I laid into him a bit about how I cannot start a conversation on Hi. How are you? And asked if he noticed how I had obviously read his profile and responded with something that showed that)
Email 3 - Was a little better. More info. A little teasing for laying into him. And the one question "Is that better?"
(I responded with a long email with a few questions)
Email 4- He answered my questions without much for me to respond to and ended with "I think I answered all your questions."
(I sent a short response that may have been random since there wasn't anything to respond to and asked about his weekend)

If he does not ask any questions about me. I am not writing back. I am not sure I described it well enough above. But he basically is not trying. He is emailing without actually taking any interest in it and without trying to get me interested. Why do men think "hi. how are you?" is actually reaching out?

So - the break.
Thank god for plutonic groups on meetup!